We have seen from both the Bible and real life that jealousy and envy are difficult to overcome. How do you overcome these two evils when you're on the receiving end?
One way is to develop "lateral support." This means that you have other Godly Christians as friends, and you can go to them for advice. Lateral support is important enough that most churches pay to allow their pastor to go to ministers' conferences, realizing that they help the preacher improve in his service. It is also important enough that Christian school teachers are not allowed to have it; their conferences are tightly controlled by pastors, and even their newsletters are actually pastor-controlled.
Is "lateral support" Biblical? You need to know, because abusive pastors either forbid or discourage lateral support.
Pr 11:14 ¶ Where there is no counsel, the people fall; But in the multitude of counselors there is safety.
Pr 15:22 ¶ Without counsel, plans go awry, But in the multitude of counselors they are established.
Pr 24:6 For by wise counsel you will wage your own war, And in a multitude of counselors there is safety.The Apostle Paul followed this pattern, usually having Godly companions with him.
Ac 20:4 And Sopater of Berea accompanied him to Asia--also Aristarchus and Secundus of the Thessalonians, and Gaius of Derbe, and Timothy, and Tychicus and Trophimus of Asia.
So what kind of people should you go to for lateral support? And how do you develop lateral support?
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Saturday, July 18, 2009
How Strong is Envy? Part 3
Pr 27:4 Wrath is cruel, and anger is outrageous; but who is able to stand before envy?
It IS possible to defeat an envious person, but it can be difficult. A small Baptist church had a very badly-written church constitution. It permitted children to vote, and on every anniversary of his hiring, the pastor could be fired by 25% of the vote. No joke; 25% of the membership could fire him. New members couldn't vote until they had been members for one year, so it didn't even take 25%.
Two men with large families controlled the vote, and they routinely fired every pastor on his anniversary, often over the objections of the majority of the tiny church. Without being elected, they controlled the church, and they envied the popularity and success of any pastor who could take their power away. Then, my friend Mel became the pastor.
Under Mel's leadership, the church tripled in attendance in a matter of months. And as the anniversary drew near, the two men assured everyone that they were going to fire him, although the rest of the church didn't want to. One month before the anniversary, the two families took a vacation together, and Mel got to work.
As I said, this church had a badly-written constitution. They could have a surprise business meeting any time a quorum of members was present, and they could amend the Church Constitution at any business meeting. Mel called all the members on the phone and told them he was having a business meeting on the Wednesday night that these two families would be absent. There, they amended the constitution to require a 50% vote to fire the pastor.
The two families returned to find out that they had lost their power. When one of the men threatened to give Mel a beating, Mel demanded that he keep his promise. From then on, any time the man started something, Mel demanded that the man keep his promise to fistfight him, and the problem disappeared.
Months later, the last I heard of them, the church was doing well, was growing steadily, and had a happy congregation.
It IS possible to defeat an envious person, but it can be difficult. A small Baptist church had a very badly-written church constitution. It permitted children to vote, and on every anniversary of his hiring, the pastor could be fired by 25% of the vote. No joke; 25% of the membership could fire him. New members couldn't vote until they had been members for one year, so it didn't even take 25%.
Two men with large families controlled the vote, and they routinely fired every pastor on his anniversary, often over the objections of the majority of the tiny church. Without being elected, they controlled the church, and they envied the popularity and success of any pastor who could take their power away. Then, my friend Mel became the pastor.
Under Mel's leadership, the church tripled in attendance in a matter of months. And as the anniversary drew near, the two men assured everyone that they were going to fire him, although the rest of the church didn't want to. One month before the anniversary, the two families took a vacation together, and Mel got to work.
As I said, this church had a badly-written constitution. They could have a surprise business meeting any time a quorum of members was present, and they could amend the Church Constitution at any business meeting. Mel called all the members on the phone and told them he was having a business meeting on the Wednesday night that these two families would be absent. There, they amended the constitution to require a 50% vote to fire the pastor.
The two families returned to find out that they had lost their power. When one of the men threatened to give Mel a beating, Mel demanded that he keep his promise. From then on, any time the man started something, Mel demanded that the man keep his promise to fistfight him, and the problem disappeared.
Months later, the last I heard of them, the church was doing well, was growing steadily, and had a happy congregation.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
How Strong is Envy Part 2
Pr 27:4 Wrath is cruel, and anger is outrageous; but who is able to stand before envy?
About thirty years ago, a good Baptist church was running about 175 in children's church, mostly due to their bus ministry. The pastor asked me (I didn't ask him) to be in charge. Several of us worked hard, and attendance grew to around 300.
Meanwhile, the pastor's wife held a lot of authority in the church, mistreating secretaries and other staff, and often forcing her husband to carry out policies he disagreed with. I was called into the pastor's office one day, where she told me that she was a mature Christian and I was an immature Christian, and therefor God had called her to take over the children's church.
When I pointed out that she had nothing to do with the blessing God was giving us, she replied that God hadn't called her to work on bus routes; He had called her to rule over people who did. I refused, her husband over-ruled me, and three years later, she had taken the children's church from 300 to 10.
Earlier, I had pointed out this same problem with jealousy: if you're in a family-run church, your church probably has incompetent leadership. And if you start being blessed and used by God, that family is going to start moving in to take over your ministry.
About thirty years ago, a good Baptist church was running about 175 in children's church, mostly due to their bus ministry. The pastor asked me (I didn't ask him) to be in charge. Several of us worked hard, and attendance grew to around 300.
Meanwhile, the pastor's wife held a lot of authority in the church, mistreating secretaries and other staff, and often forcing her husband to carry out policies he disagreed with. I was called into the pastor's office one day, where she told me that she was a mature Christian and I was an immature Christian, and therefor God had called her to take over the children's church.
When I pointed out that she had nothing to do with the blessing God was giving us, she replied that God hadn't called her to work on bus routes; He had called her to rule over people who did. I refused, her husband over-ruled me, and three years later, she had taken the children's church from 300 to 10.
Earlier, I had pointed out this same problem with jealousy: if you're in a family-run church, your church probably has incompetent leadership. And if you start being blessed and used by God, that family is going to start moving in to take over your ministry.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
The Strength of Envy Part 1
Pr 27:4 Wrath is cruel, and anger is outrageous; but who is able to stand before envy?
Who is able to stand before envy? - The rabbins have a curious story on this subject, and it has been formed by the moderns into a fable. There were two persons, one covetous and the other envious, to whom a certain person promised to grant whatever they should ask; but double to him who should ask last. The covetous man would not ask first, because he wished to get the double portion, and the envious man would not make the first request because he could not bear the thoughts of thus benefiting his neighbor. However, at last he requested that one of his eyes should be taken out, in order that his neighbor might lose both.
From Adam Clarke's Commentary
Thursday, July 9, 2009
2Sa 6:16 And as the ark of the LORD came into the city of David, Michal Saul's daughter looked through a window, and saw king David leaping and dancing before the LORD; and she despised him in her heart.
Michal had been the princess when her father was king. Her brother had been next-in-line for the throne, and she had married a top military leader. But now her father and her brother were dead, and she was a member of David's small but growing harem. Michal's career had definitely taken a bad turn, and now she despised her husband David. Granted, David might have been partly to blame for the situation, but Michal was envious of him. David was receiving honor and acclaim that Michal felt were rightfully hers. After all, her father Saul and her brother Jonathan had been the ones who promoted David.
2Sa 6:21 And David said unto Michal, It was before the LORD, which chose me before thy father, and before all his house, to appoint me ruler over the people of the LORD, over Israel: therefore will I play before the LORD.
David shows us how to handle envy within the family of God. He pointed out to Michal that it was God Who had chosen David over Saul, Jonathan, and Michal's other relatives. Going to the palace hadn't been David's idea, and his promotions came from others, not from his own plots.
If you are being blessed in church work, and someone suddenly demands to be put in charge, your answer ought to be that God had given you the position and the blessing, choosing you over the person who seeks the position.
Michal had been the princess when her father was king. Her brother had been next-in-line for the throne, and she had married a top military leader. But now her father and her brother were dead, and she was a member of David's small but growing harem. Michal's career had definitely taken a bad turn, and now she despised her husband David. Granted, David might have been partly to blame for the situation, but Michal was envious of him. David was receiving honor and acclaim that Michal felt were rightfully hers. After all, her father Saul and her brother Jonathan had been the ones who promoted David.
2Sa 6:21 And David said unto Michal, It was before the LORD, which chose me before thy father, and before all his house, to appoint me ruler over the people of the LORD, over Israel: therefore will I play before the LORD.
David shows us how to handle envy within the family of God. He pointed out to Michal that it was God Who had chosen David over Saul, Jonathan, and Michal's other relatives. Going to the palace hadn't been David's idea, and his promotions came from others, not from his own plots.
If you are being blessed in church work, and someone suddenly demands to be put in charge, your answer ought to be that God had given you the position and the blessing, choosing you over the person who seeks the position.
Saturday, July 4, 2009
Envy in the Workplace
While researching this series, I read an article by a psychologist on dealing with envy at work. A person will get a promotion, and someone is bitter, feeling that they should have gotten the promotion.
The promoted employee tries being nice, but it doesn't work. Why not? Because the envious person feels that he is a victim of the successful person. The envious person doesn't have to take it personally, but he feels that the promotion is rightfully his (or hers) and the friendliness of the "winner" doesn't change that.
So what should the victim of envy do? After being nice and not succeeding, the person with the promotion needs to go on. But if there is a conflict, the person might need to say "I got the promotion because I'm better than you."
But you can't do that in Christian service; we're supposed to be humble, remember? So how do you deal with envy in the church?
The promoted employee tries being nice, but it doesn't work. Why not? Because the envious person feels that he is a victim of the successful person. The envious person doesn't have to take it personally, but he feels that the promotion is rightfully his (or hers) and the friendliness of the "winner" doesn't change that.
So what should the victim of envy do? After being nice and not succeeding, the person with the promotion needs to go on. But if there is a conflict, the person might need to say "I got the promotion because I'm better than you."
But you can't do that in Christian service; we're supposed to be humble, remember? So how do you deal with envy in the church?
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
How Long Will Envy Last?
Ec 9:6 Also their love, their hatred, and their envy have now perished; Nevermore will they have a share in anything done under the sun.
In the book of Ecclesiastes, an older and wiser Solomon looks back wearily on his life of failure. Given great wisdom and a great kingdom by God, he squandered away his blessings with sin. But he never lost his wisdom, and he passes it on to us.
Throughout the book, Solomon states repeatedly that almost everything done on earth will eventually perish. He concludes that we need to live for God, Who will reward us for obedience. In this passage, Solomon points out that the envy of people who die perish with them. Any bitterness, jealousy, envy, hatred, etc., that we have will die when we do, and the aged Solomon points out that nobody cares about them anymore.
Live for Christ while you can, and leave evil emotions to others.
In the book of Ecclesiastes, an older and wiser Solomon looks back wearily on his life of failure. Given great wisdom and a great kingdom by God, he squandered away his blessings with sin. But he never lost his wisdom, and he passes it on to us.
Throughout the book, Solomon states repeatedly that almost everything done on earth will eventually perish. He concludes that we need to live for God, Who will reward us for obedience. In this passage, Solomon points out that the envy of people who die perish with them. Any bitterness, jealousy, envy, hatred, etc., that we have will die when we do, and the aged Solomon points out that nobody cares about them anymore.
Live for Christ while you can, and leave evil emotions to others.
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